Manners, marriage, and the military

One would think The New York Times, quick to chronicle crazy parents in Manhattan playing the nursery school admissions game, would not be slow to pick up a college admissions trend. But today’s article “Thank-You Note Enters College Admission Game” is old news. As early as five years ago, when I started thinking about applying to college, writing thank-you notes following a college interview was already de rigueur. The article does provide a range of examples supporting its point, but in an age where applicants are known to do crazy things, the most outrageous gestures mentioned here are sending M & Ms in the school colors along with the note or writing it on the college’s stationery. Furthermore, one guidance counselor from Maryland seems to contradict herself, looking for specific thank-you note pointers as if students had to try to make their notes stand out and later quoted as saying she thought just sending a note would suffice to differentiate a student. Clearly, a show of good manners is no longer something that will set applicants apart.

The Boston Globe also considers a resurging etiquette trend in an article suggesting that

more men are seeking the permission of their fiancees’ fathers before proposing. The

article admits that there are no statistics to track the trend and discloses its methods:

talking to bridal stores and engaged couples. It seems to track all sides of the issue,

presenting the opinions of those who think the ritual is a quaint but meaningless traditions

along with those who think it undermines women, although it did not delve into this more

extreme opposition to the practice until the end of the article. Too bad, because it would

probably have been more thought-provoking to read comments from the BU women’s

studies professor than from the young fiancés, whose insipid replies do not provide much

reason for their following this tradition except for the fact that it is a tradition.

There must be something to the tradition, though, because allusions to asking permission

for a woman’s hand in marriage pop up again in The Washington Post today. In his

column on new ethics laws regarding senators and lobbyists, Jeffrey H. Birnbaum raises a

question regarding the ban on lobbyists giving gifts to lawmakers and their aides. What

if, he asks, a lobbyist wants to propose to his girlfriend, a Senate staffer? Birnbaum’s

question is an interesting twist on the interpretation of the law, but apparently it is not a

loophole, since he points out the fiancé would have to ask the permission not only of her

father, but of her employer, too.

While the major papers report on trends in manners today, it’s The Patriot Ledger that

has some of the best news coverage, as it continues to follow the death of Army National

Guard Spc. Ciara Durkin. Today’s article draws out the Durkin family’s close ties to

Ireland, where Durkin lived until the age of nine. The article gives examples of the

extensive coverage of her death not just in her home county of Galway but around the

country, which adds depth to her story and suggests that local Boston media are falling

behind in their own coverage.